But I've been meaning to do this because I'm a going through a lot of things right now, both good and not so good. I don't know, I just kind of need this.
So lately..
- My Lola was diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach cancer. She doesn't know this yet. My mom knows and my tita knows and I know. I don't know who else does (so I guess now you know but please, let's keep it as a secret). It's so heartbreaking. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think.
- My brother was crying. It broke my heart. He was feeling weaker. He said he is suffering. He never says that. He's always so strong. But last time I was with him, he told our mom that he was already suffering. He was in pain. It's so hard to witness that. It's been years that he's in that state. I don't know what to think of, I don't what to pray for. I don't know. I keep on saying it because I can't comprehend all that's happening.
- I fell again. And every time that I do, it feels like it's harder to stand up. It feels like He would never look at me again. It feels like separation. Separation.. it's so cold and painful to hear. But I talked to someone and he made me feel better. It made me realize things that I already know, things I find hard to grasp on in moments like this. So I felt a little better, but not completely. It's a process, I guess. God is good. He is forgiving. He is gracious.
- Everything feels so out of place. But most of the time I tend to forget about everything. I still manage to be happy. I don't think of them too much. Just on nights like this. Just right now. I don't know what God's plans are but I know He is good and His love never fails.
He never fails.
